loosing battle even though i knew i would be attacked

            Today only i read a quote " Its very easy to be positive amid success". Not even 24 hours has passed and i have started realizing same. With lots of hope i opened my mail box to see reply from a customer. "If it gets finalized ill get my first deal" i thought.…….Today evening while driving only i was thinking success doesn't come so easily and my mail box once again proved veracity of my own thinking. Nope! they are not ready to have a deal.
              However i knew some or other thing should turn this way and was already to take it, still i am disappointed. I am disappointed enough to loose my temper, to fag a lot and to not to talk anyone. If it was the only case then too it would have worked but my first failure is breaking aegis of my confidence.
                At this mI don't know what to do. I want to talk to someone special but to whom i don't know. Probably best option is, i should talk to my own positive side but before that ill have to awake my positive side. I am listening this song to awake my positive side

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Money Vs Experience

Now she has become like a part of my family as she has been living with my family since last three years.Perhaps this was our last meet in my house as she is completing her graduation. These all toughts were haunting my mind and later i got to know, her mind also. She was about to leave very next day. As a memory of our nice days i presented her a Diary and a pen. She asked me to write somehig in her diary. I wrote not few lines but few pages as i wanted to write. Even if she would not have asked me then too i would have written. Her bombastic laughter deserved more than few lines and i wrote " Tumahri hansi bahut achhi hai. Aisi hansi ek NIYAMAT hai jo her kisi ke pass nahi hoti, jaise ki mere paas nahi hai. Tum aise hi haste rehna hamesha."......

Pankaj wrote on his blog about his bday special experiment. I did not like his experiment, as i had already done that, suffered results of that and reprimanded being so mean.I wrote my feeling in exact words as a comment on his blog. I know for a fact that he dint like my comment and so he retalliated. In response, i wrote " khush rehna bhi ek badi NIYAMAT hai"...

Perhaps she and Pankaj will replicate my words in their lives but not everyone. We listen only to big shots and not to an ordinary like me. Here is an excerpt form some big shot's speech (don't know who). Enjoy reading...

Experience has shown that:

You will never know what the total cost of your education was, but for a lifetime you will recall and relive the memories of schools and colleges. Few years from now, you will forget the amount you paid to settle the hospitalization bill, but will ever cherish having saved your mother’s life or the life you get to live with the just born. You won’t remember the cost of your honeymoon, but to the last breath remember the experiences of the bliss of togetherness. Money has no memory. Experience has. Good times and bad times, times of prosperity and times of poverty, times when the future looked so secure and times when you didn’t know from where the tomorrow will come… life has been in one way or the other a roller-coaster ride for everyone. Beyond all that abundance and beyond all that deprivation, what remains is the memory of experiences. Sometimes the wallet was full…sometimes even the pocket was empty. There was enough and you still had reasons to frown. There wasn’t enough and you still had reasons to smile. Today, you can look back with tears of gratitude for all the times you had laughed together, and also look back with a smile at all the times you cried alone. All in all, life filled you with experiences to create a history of your own self, and you alone can remember them all. The first time you balanced yourself on your cycle without support….. The first time she said ‘yes’ and it was two years since you proposed….. The first cry…the first steps…the first word…the first kiss…all of your child… The first gift you bought for your parents and the first gift your daughter gave you…. The first award…the first public appreciation….the first stage performance…. And the list is endless… Experiences, with timeless memory…. No denying that anything that’s material cost money, but the fact remains the cost of the experience will be forgotten, but the experience never. So, what if it’s economic recession? Let it be, but let there not be a recession to the quality of your life. You can still take your parents, if not on pilgrimage, at least to the local temple. You can still play with your children, if not on an international holiday, at least in the local park. It doesn’t cost money to lie down or to take a loved one onto your lap. Nice time to train the employees, create leadership availability and be ready for the wonderful times when they arrive. Hey! Aspects like your health, knowledge development and spiritual growth are not economy dependent. Time will pass…economy will revive… currency will soon be in current…and in all this, I don’t want you to look back and realize you did nothing but stayed in gloom. Recession can make you lose out on money. Let it not make you lose out on experiences… If you are not happy with what you have, no matter how much more you have, you will still not be happy. Make a statement with the way you live your life: How I feel has nothing to do with how much I have.

Pride is must...

I was in Stockholm for my three month assignment. There, the counterpart of my manger in India, Fredrik , however very sweet and descent individual but was not giving us time and response as he was supposed to. Not a problem, for me, as it was my first client site assignment and as we Indian can adjust every thing, I could also manage without his much support.

My technical manger (TM), to whom I have always considered exceptionally intelligent women, was also in Stockholm for meeting with client. My TM called for dinner party for we all so that she can meet each and everyone in person. On my way to selected restaurant (Lilla Karanchi - Lilla is swedish which means small) she asked me whether Fedrik is interacting you guys. I said " However he is a very nice person but he doesn’t interact with us much. He doesn’t participate at all in activities." My TM gave me a quick reply “Now onwards he will do”. Nothing special in her reply which can be felt through worlds on my blog but her tone.....her tone was most confident tone I had ever heard. It was enough to make me re-realize that I am also a drop of well recognized Indian talent pool, enough to say that be confident and fill yourself with pride.

By the way I must share the reason which provoked me to recollect this incident and to add one more post on my blog. Few lines which I was reading before writing this post

“Pride, like laudanum and other poisonous medicines, is beneficial in small, though injurious in large, quantities. No man who is not pleased with himself, even in a personal sense, can please others." -Frederick Saunders, librarian and essayist”

When I met Saina

“If she wins I will throw a big bash …” I said to Sumit. But unfortunately she lost her match against Malaysian player and again, unfortunately (which in other cases could be fortunately) I had not to throw bash.

In my conversation “she” referred to Saina Nehwal and the match I was talking about was badminton semifinal of Beijing Olympic। There are three things from Hyderabad which I like very much – Golconda Fort, Eat street and Saina Nehawal। Pulela Gopichand badminton academy is at stone’s throw away distance (bit exaggerated fact) from my office and I always fascinated to see Saina, not by effort and just by chance.

As my project has been scrapped I just finished an article of my interest and was thinking what next। Suddenly I recollected that Indian open tournament is happening in a stadium which is again very near to my office campus। I also recollected that today Saina’s match is scheduled। I opened internet explorer and in its address bar typed an address which I think every software engineer would have typed millions of times in his life “google।com” and in search bar I typed “Indian open tournament 2009 schedule”। Her match is at 3।20 p।m. A gave a quick look at computer watch and its 3.10 p.m. one of my project matte if he is accompanying me. Yes he is ready and after 10 mins I was purchasing tickets at kiosk in stadium. After exploring and possessing a seat which I thought will give me best view of Saina. I started waiting for match to be started. She came, in excitement I whistled like a street guy with the help my two fingers and my tongue. Match started and initially she lost points to her Malaysian opponent but soon started getting pace and earned few nice points. My excitement was acquiring pace like Shatabdi express. Alas suddenly a camera man came and put his instrument just next to me. Shitt!!!....now I will have to search for new place. My eyes started navigating whole then stadium. There were several places but I dint want to be interrupted. After 2 mins navigation I could find a good place.

"Wow!!!... .it’s a fabulous smash” I screamed as Saina smashed hard and took a lead of 17-11. Very soon, she won the set. Alas! In next set my excitement started fading out as Malaysian girl was completely dominating and in very short time she took lead by 9-1. Saina could just lessen the gap and lost second set. Third set was a tough match for both of the players, both battled hard with good energy but at the end Saina lost it by 17-21. Whenever I watch match of my favorites, be it Saina, Yuvraj Singh, Indian Cricket team, my favorites always loose. It has been a proven jinx for me since years.

A girl in nice track suit, on which India was written, was wandering here and there. At that moment, the only thing special I could feel about her was, she is really beautiful, has a nice height and is showing “Adaayen”. My colleague said to me “ Sir Ji ! apnea age wali row mw yeh jo banda baitha hai uska face pehchaan lo.”……I asked him what’s special about him. He asked me just to remember his face. After few minutes I got a thin book which was being distributed with our any cost. I always pick things which are free, no matter what’s the instance. Now this book was one which made me to realize where am I sitting. On one page of this book, photos of Indian national player were printed. That beautiful girl is Jwala Gutta and the guy next to me is Chetan Anand. Now my condition was like the girl in Vodafone adds in which girl is in lift with some celebrity. I have seen political personalities in face to face to but never, I had same chance with any national level player.
After few moments I also got the chance to have closer look of Saina and shot some photographs of her which I am posting on this blog. Many better and nicer photographs of her can be found on internet but, no need to say, for me these are special. Probably I will create an album on Picasa and title will be Saina by Ericcsson P1-I.

GOOD LUCK Saina, for future and specially for next Olympic.

(Just one update. I could not update Saina pics at the time of posting this post and thought of doing same later on. But unfortunately i have formatted my mobile and all the pics have been lost.)